I have a new blog for a new time in my life.

http://www.aimeereneestar.xanga.com

Ah so the dreaded Father's day. It has been a day that I have been torn about for a couple of weeks. Do I give in and call my dad? or do I adopt the motto of "do what others have done to you?" The only contact I have had with my dad since Christmas is when IIIII called him the day before my birthday. He said he was going to call me....and i wish to God i believed that. But I gave in and called him and when i tried he didn't answer....so i was in the clear (at least i could say i tried). But i tried again anyways and i got his girlfriend and so I was hoping dad would at least call me back and he did. But i guess he doesn't want long distance charges and that is why he never calls.....gee i coulda swore he had the net. email works amazing or so i am told. So i told him i would try to call more...I guess it is up to me to convince him that i love him while at the same time dealing with the fact that i am pretty sure he doesn't return the sentiment.

So I want to give a shout out to the Warners. They did a really nice thing for me today by actually wanting me to be around even though I told them I just wanted to go home. They were persistant to the point where I gave in and I don't regret it at all. They cared enough about me to not want me to be alone when I was feeling alone. They are quite the family and I am really greatful to know them. I am excited to introduce them to my sister so she can see what I have been talking about for months. Oh and we totally had wet burritos for dinner....the first time i ever made them...they turned out pretty well...(thanx mom).

So all in all father's day turned out not to be the emotional disaster i thought it would be. Sigh...one day down....only God knows how many more are to go.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life.

God help me...I just don't know what to do right now. Help me make some sort of sense of the world that I am forced to live in. Help me to love instead of hate and help to calm my broken heart...because it is broken and will be for a long time. Help me to show love to those who need me the most and please please please keep me from running.

Well...in the spirit of posting more in the way of updates on my life I thought I would write something.

So I have been torn lately about what God wants for me in life. It is mostly the living situation. Should I be an RA and live on campus still? or should I move into a house with a roommate?

There are benefits and set-backs to both.

If I lived on campus I would still have to be on the meal plan and have a curfue and etc...

BUT I would be a part of what I believe to be a worthwhile ministry and get paid to do it.

If I lived off campus It would be cheaper in the long run, and I wouldn't have to deal with a lot of the politics...

BUT I would be disconnected from the student body, which has it's own dangers.

BUT I could have a cat, and I would live right around the corner from the Warners (who I LOOOOVE)...

I think the benefits of living off campus are way better than living on campus but I am still struggling with God's plan. So I think I have a solution: I interviewed on Tuesday. If I get the job, God wants me to be an RA. If I don't, God wants me to move off campus. I think that is fair. I hope. I think I will have regrets either way. Hmmmm I guess we will have to wait and see if I get it.

In other news, the rest of my life is going well. I have been hanging out with the youth doing that thing and keepin up with my school work. I apply to the program this year so I have to make a huge portfolio of all the stuff I have done, except I don't feel like I have DONE enough for it to be impressive. Oh well... I guess I will find out.

So my friend Kelly did this thing a while back on her blog, where she wrote 10 notes to 10 different people and she never put who it was to. I thought it was really neat so I am gonna do it now...

--Wow. We always seem to get over the rough patches don't we? And even though we don't talk much I know our friendship would just pick up right where we left off...but I still miss you.

--I think what you did to me was terrible and what was worse was you were never able to give me a reason why. I hope I never see your face again. I really think your ministry is going to suffer because of the way you handle your relationships.

--I am always confused about you. But it is becoming less so because of the fact that you just stopped talking to me. I don't know why. But I guess I am ok with it. I don't really feel bad. Does that make me a bad person?

--I really wish I could get through to you about how awesome God is. I wish you would get fired up and get more involved. You really are a cool person, you just make bad decisions sometimes. I worry about you a lot.

--I think you lie too much. I think you do it to manipulate people so you can look better to them or get what you want. I feel sorry for you that someday, if it hasn't already, it is going to backfire and YOU are the one who will be hurting.

--I think it is amazing how much you have grown as a person over the years I have known you. It seems to me that your desire to know more about God has taken a front seat in your life and I am proud of you for it. I hope you continue on the path that you are on.

--We have loved eachother and hated eachother. It has taken hundreds of miles between us for us to truly understand what our relationship is supposed to be. I love you I love you I love you.

--I think you are one of the most complicated cool people I know. You are intelligent and a goofball, but you can also be serious when it matters. I also think you have a lot of integrity. I think you will grow up to be an amazing person if you put God first in your life. Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in.

--So I think you are a tough cookie to figure out. I am enjoying getting to know you better. I admire your willingness to be upfront and honest and to admit when you just don't know. I also think you have an awesome sense of humor. You are one of my favorite people.

--I haven't known you very long but I am glad to have met you. You are really nice and a truly decent person. I wish I could hang out with you more and who knows? maybe we will. I really enjoyed being in a class with you. I think that we could be friends if we tried. I wouldn't mind being more either.

Yeah so...there you have it. I have one request, if you want to take a stab at who they are to, please do it in a private format. (ie...email, or message)

Yeah so it has been a while since i last posted. basically it has been because, starting from my last post till now, i have been sick with one thing or another. first, it was a stomach bug. That lasted about 2 weeks. Then my ears got messed up and infected for the rest of the time. yeah...it has sucked. But the good news is that I went to the doctor's yesterday and got my ears fixed. I feel a ton better.

So yeah, I totally went to the Warner's house last night. Guess what we did? We totally watched WILLOW! man I forgot how much i loved that movie. And now a houseful of kids who never have seen it before love it too. I take great pleasure in converting people to my likes and dislikes...at least the trivial ones, and actually the big ones too...except that is God working in their hearts and not me.

Thanks to all who wished me a happy birthday! It was pretty awesome. I went to church to celebrate the ressurection of Jesus. Then Kate, Bryan, and Alayna took me out to Chili's for lunch...which was an awesome queso. WOOT! Then I went back to the Warner's house (they were out of town, so i helped housesit). No one was there so i called becca and she LIED to me and told me she was having lunch with someone. And when i asked her if she knew where Missy was she LIED again and told me she was having lunch with Travis. As it turns out, they were at Wal-Mart buying a b-day present...TOGETHER! lol. Yeah so needless to say I wasn't upset with the little white lies. So yeah, they got me the car stuff i so desperately wanted. Seat covers, floor mats, cd visor, steering wheel cover, trash bag...the works....it is soooo awesome. I love them (becca and missy) a lot. But yeah then we hung out and played ddr for a while....then people came. Some of the awesome girls from my youth group and sean and then a little later, andrea made an appearance. it was decent. We hung out...i got a hamburger...we watched the Mummy, and we played Scene It JR. GOOOOOD game.

So anyways, I also got a package from my mom. It had tons of fun stuff in it. Including 2 wonderful cards and lots of goodies. I also got a card from Kevin and Sara and I got a lot of "happy birthdays" on my various sites, so thank you all!!